“A Lifetime of Hope and Regret”

  • Posted in life |
  • March 1, 2018

“A Lifetime of Hope and Regret”

Life has been swell. Since being done in GP, I’ve seriously contemplated what I want in life. Every experience shapes what you want and what you don’t want. I’ve had a lot of experiences of what I don’t want, but you can’t chase what you don’t want. I watched a movie this weekend (Call Me by Your Name) and it totally changed my life.


I have a legit question: What is your definition of success?


I’ve been a relatively ambitious person, and I’ve always wanted a lot out of life – fun, travel, adventure, success, money. I think that’s what everyone wants. But how do you define success? I always thought I would be successful (and happy) when you get that next thing that you’re chasing – that paycheck, getting a new skill, making a new friend, the next trip, that new car you’ve wanted.


I read a blog post the other day, by Nomadic Matt and it really resonated with me (link here: https://www.nomadicmatt.com/travel-blogs/regret/). It talks about the relationship between hope and regret; essentially that your regrets shape what makes you hopeful. I feel like this is my quarter-life crisis of sitting back and evaluating my life.


“It’s easy to get lost. To look around and suddenly find yourself wondering how you got here — and why it seems so far from where you thought you’d be.”


I know it’s semi-unreasonable to look at life that way when you’re 24, but that’s where I’m at. I totally agree that regret is life’s biggest motivator, but it’s all for nothing if you don’t do something about it. WELL I’M GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I love a phat goal setting sesh. I had/have goals for before I’m 25, before I’m 30, etc. and I’m 25 at the end of the year and I am nowhere near what I wanted to do or be. I think the main reason I haven’t accomplished or pursued the life I want, is my version of success has been wrong all along. I was always chasing these things that would “change my life” and make me happy or successful.


some of my favorite things, people, memories.

I love to travel; it’s one of the few things that really sets my soul on fire. I feel I am most myself when I am travelling, it’s what I am supposed to do (along with some other things!). One of my favorite quotes is “create a life that you don’t need a vacation from” and I really haven’t done that, which leads me to my next realization.

So I watched Call Me by Your Name this weekend at midnight on Friday because I didn’t have to get up early on Saturday. If you haven’t seen it, you must. This movie made me realize (and other experiences lately) that you can’t put happiness on hold; it’s the most important thing, that’s what you need to get up and be chasing everyday.

My definition of success is “finding happiness in your everyday”, meaning you have to be happy with your life on a day that isn’t payday, when your friends bail on your plans or you have a bad training, you need to be happy on the least extraordinary day. It’s hard to fully pursue it, we all have bills to pay and responsibilities that we maybe don’t love, but at the end of the day, you have to be happy with what happened and what you did. Those are the moments and days you will look back on, and wished for happiness.

I want a life of simple pleasures – good company, good music, good food, fun adventures, being creative, doing gymnastics. That is my take away from Call Me by Your Name – you have to fearlessly pursue every little thing that makes you happy. For me, that means a lot of changes and a shift in perspective.

I don’t even know if this whole thing made sense, but I’ve had experiences before where I thought “wow, my life is going to change from now on!” and it doesn’t, so you chase the next thing. But that’s not where I am at anymore. I wish every could feel this feeling of freedom of this realization and find happiness in their everyday. I’m not there yet, but that’s where I want to go. I regret not having pursued this earlier, but that is why I am hopeful now. And it’s not too late. It’s never too late, for me or for you. Stop chasing the thing that you think will change your life; you’ll get that paycheck, that car, whatever, and go back to that life you’ve created that you don’t enjoy. Create a life that you is hopeful, passionate and happy.

Here are some things that I love right now:

  • Training! It’s been going well, my body is holding up really well right now. It was always my dream just to train, to just be an athlete. As I’ve grown up, I’ve realized I would go absolutely nuts if my whole life was just about my training. I would never relax and I would be the highest strung (higher than normal). But right now, a lot of my life does revolve around it and I have time to get everything I want done in regards to training, while getting to do some other things that keep me sane.
  • Finding new, cool places in town! My favorite thing to do when I travel is going to new spots and having coffee, a drink, whatever. But I never really did that in town. I have my favorite spots where I am comfortable, but I’m exploring some new places and it makes the everyday a little more interesting and exciting.
  • Spotify! I might sound like a total Grandpa here, but I just got Spotify instead of Apple Music and I love it. The playlists are amazing and it’s a lot easier to find music you along the lines of your taste. My fave song right now is Wild Horse (Sam Feldt Remix), so go check it out.
  • Planning my next trip! I told myself I couldn’t go on a trip until I figured my life out a bit where I could actually go somewhere without stressing about being a deadbeat. I feel like I’ve (almost) gotten there, but once the trip rolls around, life should be good. Any suggestions on where to go? I have a short (like under 100 places, classic) list of places, but always open. I like more off the beaten path places, I like beaches and I like culture. Hit me up.
  • Creative Projects! I like doing creative things – photography, fashion, designing, etc. and that’s the main thing I want to do outside of gym right now. It’s more flexible and I have some fun ideas and projects on the go.

I’ve always been worried about seeming like I was doing enough with my life. People always ask what I do or what I’ve been doing since I’ve been done school, as if I sit at home all day and eat bon bons. It bothered me. I mean, that’s not the worst life, but I’m out here doing my best and doing what makes me happy, and I’m not sorry that it doesn’t fit into someone else’s mold of what they think I should be doing. I bought a condo, I pay my bills, I take care of a dog, I’m doing fine. I’ve put a traditional career on hold for gym, but when I’m 80, will I regret doing something I loved for a couple more years than sitting in a corporate job? Probably not. I don’t think I’m cut out for a regular job. I don’t think I’m cut out for a normal life. I think I’m here to pave my own way. Everyone has a different version of success, and if you’re doing what makes you happy everyday, how can that be unsuccessful?

What do you do to be happy everyday?

What is your definition of success?

Talk soon,